IT'S FOOTBALL TIME IN TENNESSEE!!!!

(If I were really smart like my friend Whitney, I would have figured out how to make this thing play Rocky Top when this page is opened. However, I’m not a lawyer like her, so I don’t know how to do that…)

Yes, football time is upon us here in Knoxville, and there is orange in the air!! This is really an exciting time around here. I think that everyone should attend at least on game at Neyland Stadium. It is incredibly exciting to be in that stadium with 107,000 of your closest friends watching a glorious UT football game. However, after you see one or two games in the stadium, you realize that it is probably better to watch from the sofa at home.

When you go to a game, you will probably park somewhere around the Strip and tailgate. You are obviously going to have to get there early to find a parking spot, so you are going to have to eat. And the area restaurants will be too packed to get into, so tailgating with your own food is the only answer. This is okay. You will have to sneak into one of the area hospitals (Children’s or Fort Sanders) to use the restroom, because, once again, the area restaurants are too packed to you to get into.

Once you finish tailgating, you will hike the 2-3 miles to get to the stadium. This part is actually quite fun, but it can be hazardous due to having to cross many streets which are being traveled my many cars trying to find a closer parking spot that the one you got. They will not be successful unless they are one of “those people” with a fancy parking pass. You will become angry with them.

Once you hike the 2-3 miles to the stadium, you will then hike the 2-3 miles to your seat inside the stadium. If you have a bleacher seat (which you probably do unless you are one of those snobby people who also have fancy parking passes), you will be allotted 18 inches at your bleacher seat. Most people’s behinds extend a little bit farther than 18 inches when seated. Therefore, your whatever amount you exceed 18 inches will be squished up against your neighbor’s overflow, and so on, and so on. You are probably going to get to know your neighbors very, very well.

Hopefully, you will be able to see the Jumbotron from where you are sitting. If not, you will have a crick in your neck by the second quarter from straining around to see the Jumbotron, because you certainly aren’t going to be able to see much of what has actually happened down on the field from your bleacher seat waaaaay up there.

Most of the game will actually be pretty exciting. The roar of the crowd is pretty incredible, especially if you have never been in one place with 107,000 people all at once. Did you know that Neyland Stadium actually becomes the 4th largest city in Tennessee during football games? And it is mesmerizing to watch the wave when it happens – That part may actually be more fun to watch than the game.

Sooner or later you are going to have to leave your seat, either to find a restroom or to hike another 2-3 miles to try to find that elusive Petros stand. Leaving your seat will require you to climb (literally, not figuratively) over your neighbors. (You might want to buy them a Petro too as a peace offering.) Restrooms are actually pretty plentiful, so that’s usually not a problem. Of course, you will then have to climb back to your seat when you return.

During the course of the game, your knees will stay uncomfortably jammed into someone’s back, and someone will have their knees jammed into your back. Your back will be hurting back half-time, because you have been trying to sit up really straight to keep the guy’s knees behind you from poking you in the back. The guy in front of you will not sit up straight, and therefore your knees will remain in his back. He will frequently turn around and glare at you for this, but there is nothing that you can do.

You will eventually decide to leave early, either because the game is going really well or because it is going really bad. The 2-3 mile hike out of the stadium and the 2-3 mile hike back to your car won’t be too terribly bad. However, once you get to your car, you will have a 1-2 hour drive home ahead of you if you live in the immediate Knoxville area due to the traffic. Tailgating after the game is therefore encouraged.

I will be stretched out on my sofa in my air conditioned living room during the game tomorrow.

GO VOLS!!

Great web site:

http://smokeys-trail.com